[Own Your Life] UpRoot Victim Mindset

Dear Difference Maker,

Because of social media, we are all seeing just how much people can hurt themselves and others by what they post.  We are getting to witness one another’s journey from really dark places calling us all – at one point or another – to participate in the complete and total collapse into powerlessness.   We also see people posting uplifting quotes to encourage us all to think differently about the problematic areas of our lives.

Maybe you have contemplated the question, “Why don’t people just pick up a book, buy a program or attend a free webinar to start learning how to think and do things differently?”

As an educator who has worked with thousands of other people’s children, raised three of our own in a blended family and had troubles focusing and believing myself smart enough to learn as a child, I have an answer to to this question:  the very people who need the help a good book or program could give them often have accepted disabling labels about themselves and do not believe they can focus long enough to learn anything new.

Many people’s problems are so overwhelming that far too many believe that positive change is just going to be too hard.  That’s why I am moved to help as many people as possible learn simple, straightforward steps that are accumulative in bringing better results quickly and easily.  We begin today with getting to the root of where it all begins …

Reaching out …
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UpRoot a Victim Mindset 
Excerpt from Victim No More: Diffusing Bully Behaviors UTrain Program


Thinkstock credit: julos

Some fifty years ago, there was a study that, even though cruel, observed exactly how the psyche remains committed to “that’s just how it is” mindset even though things are becoming very uncomfortable.

The experiment involved frogs.  They dropped a frog into scalding water.  The frog jumped out immediately, and saved its own life by doing so.  You and I would do the same.  If we find ourselves in extreme pain or imminent danger, we will flee immediately.

The next phase of the experiment was to put the frog in a pan with tepid water and place the pan on a burner.  The fire under the pan was turned up ever so slowly, until ultimately it was boiling.  The frog did not jump out and ultimately died.

What this illustrates about changing unproductive behavior is that, lacking a shocking, disruptive event, we tolerate a slow and steady increase of pain.  It is numbing, rather than alarming.

We have possibly learned that we are basically powerless to change “certain” situations and approaches in our lives that are harmful.

Those we are closest to may not be encouraging us to use our God-given power and initiative to learn how to own our part in the equation which will, in turn, energetically shift how we are allowing people to treat us.

Why are we not encouraged to learn something different?  Because it bumps up against our fear of not rockin’ the boat, keep things status quo, and the belief that there is something wrong with doing something that “might” make somebody else unhappy about being confronted with things that simply are not OK.  How crazy is that?!

It’s the little things that, when repeated over time,
will yield either huge success or debilitating failure and loss.

It’s the little things that build the neurological structure of our minds and determine repeat performances of those things that are working, as well as all those things that aren’t working.

We find that it’s comfortable to feel uncomfortable and unhappy in our lives, because it is the known, the guaranteed.

To change it would be a risk.  This may have something to do with why people have more heart attacks on Mondays than any other time.  It’s about having to go back to that job, where the heat has been turned up gradually over time until it literally kills them to remain there.

The “heat” can be a variety things: a dysfunctional, abusive work place, or the loss of passion and purpose in that particular form of work.

Let’s go a little further. The scientific term for how we experience our world is called “premature cognitive commitments” which is how victim mindsets can be formed.

You may have seen fish put in glass tanks with transparent glass partitions separating one group of fish from another.

After a while, if you remove the partition, you’ll find the fish will swim to the edge of their side of the tank and then come back.  They won’t go into the other side of the tank, even though they could.

As a result of their initial sensory experience, they made a commitment in their mindbody that it’s as far as they can go.  Again, they remain committed to their previously confined space instead of enjoying all of the space available to them.


Thinkstock credit

So how do we uproot hurtful behaviors in constructive way?   We begin at the beginning: our early, formative years.

Available for public presentations.

This story builds the framework from which we will apply a new energetic approach to diffusing bully and victim behavior and that in actuality is not new at all; it just has not been understood to be the most powerful of all the methods because it is not a FEAR based approach.

As you were watching the Teddy Stallard story movie you may have been thinking:

“What does a story about a lost 5th grader have to do with
Diffusing Unskillful, Hurtful Behavior?

Excerpt from The Power of Compassion: 7 Ways You Can Make A Difference

The impact of what Teddy says to Miss Thompson instantly connects us to what really matters in any given situation. Teddy’s character is the heart connection that provides a visceral reminder that anyone can instantly access compassion at any time, and as it turns out is particularly transformative in emotionally charged situations.

Compassion is the key to stepping more fully into our own, inherent greatness so we can be the difference makers we came here to be. It is the magic quality that transforms situations in 30 seconds or less, and it opens all doors and makes everything possible.

This is an autobiographical story written by Elizabeth Silance Ballard originally published in a significantly different form in a 1974 issue of Home Life magazine as Three Letters from Teddy, this fictional tale has been passed from person to person as a “true” account for over three decades because it reaches in and bypasses the head and goes straight to the heart making us all want to be better people.

This story illustrates what happens when a person suspends judging and starts connecting no matter what the situation.

One of the unexpected surprises of the Teddy Stallard Story movie was the response we received from people working in the entrepreneurial, organizational and corporate environments.

While it was obviously perfect for teachers, parents and grandparents, I found that the most amazing value of this story is the emotion it stirs up in us all; it makes us want to be better people and treat each other, adults or children, more compassionately.

And that’s why the answer for us all lies in the transforming power of compassion!

Within every one of us is the ability to connect energetically with other people. It’s a feeling that cannot be seen or touched. Yet we have a way to verify invisible things by utilizing a faculty as powerful and reliable as the five senses of consciousness. We are emotionally touched by each other’s stories.

When we are touched in this way, we access compassion. Compassion is our truest nature and our purest connection to one another.

An unconditional, heart-felt connection never causes harm to one’s self or to others. Very simply put, authentic connection is a sense of something greater than the self.

Connecting with compassion creates a ripple effect that changes attitudes, reinforces the positive, and can have an impact far greater than we realize. A psychological sense of connection is a feeling of union and transcendence, motivated by compassion, awe, peace or joy.

This is all about bringing the intention of compassion into our conscious experience every day.

Once, when I showed the Teddy Stallard movie to an audience of five hundred junior high and high school students, the groans, coos, ooos and ahhs were heart connecting.

When I asked the students for their insights afterwards, they said that the movie made them realize that no one can ever really know what goes on in someone else’s house, and also, as many of them said, “I realized that I really can make a difference.”

I choked back my own tears. I had no idea how deeply and profoundly teens today would experience this story.

When I’ve shown the movie to adult audiences, it still amazes me how quickly it softens so many tough exteriors people believe they must project. When it has been shown to an audience of men, most of whom were directors, managers and owners, many of them openly admitted that they had to stop the movie to collect themselves.

One Fortune 500 company owner told me personally that, while he had heard the story many times before, he still ended up using his shirt sleeve to wipe away the outpour of tears.

Conversely, when women employed in the corporate arena watched the movie, they did not initially admit to being emotionally affected by it. Only with additional prodding would the women admit that they were deeply affected and that they did, in fact, (silently) cry!

One woman with a “director” personality style came up to me and said, “I knew at the start you were going to try to make me cry, and I was determined not to, but when Teddy said, ‘You smell like my mom used to,’ you got me! I cried buckets and it felt long overdue.”


Is today the day you really grab a hold of your life and own it!?


Victim No More UTrain Program is all about DEFINING, TEACHABLE MOMENTs and how to make the most of the opportunities.  Turning challenges into WINS – getting people on the same page about what to think and what to do, simply and consistently that will create big wins for everyone involved.

This program takes an energetically Peaceful and empowering approach to this.  I share my own life experiences as to how – specifically and deliberately – you can have a positive impact to diffuse the energy around what’s happening to get a positive outcome.

“Hi Mary, I bought your Victim No More: Diffusing Bully Behaviors Self Learning Training. Wow, it was powerful!!!
– Jill Hendrickson, Author of Weight Loss, Italian Style!

“Your material is thought-provoking and encouraging to be more vigilant in understanding about what is really going on… This was my very first public presentation like this, and I found your entire UTrain Program completely user friendly, timed perfectly to break into convenient sections to keep everyone attentive and engaged. This really saved the day.”
– Pam Swett, Principal, Lawrence High School, ME

OPTION 1: UClick&Play
Mary does the training:
Anyone can Click & Play, and have Mary deliver your training for you
You will be able to watch it on your computer as a webinar/slideshow or video training, 2) You can project it from your computer onto a screen for others to watch and listen and  3) You will also be able to download the audio portion to your MP3 and/or burn it on CDs to listen to in your car, at your convenience.

D.I.Y. [Do It Yourself]:
In today’s world, Managers, Administrators, Principals as well as Administrative Assistants are now stepping up to do a great amount of staff training… so we’ve made it easier for You to train and coach!

The PowerPoint presentations and outline have been created for: 1) Trainers who work with groups of 10 – 100 or more, 2) Staff developers who really want to make a difference and 3) Anyone who currently spends a lot time in front of groups, or will in the future.

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